And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
