Ambien. No doubt about it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
