Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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