i think my mom watched the whole time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
