I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
