That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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