Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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