And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
