Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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