Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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