Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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