God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
