he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
