Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
