i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
