you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
