had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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