Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize