I think my fart just growled at me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
