my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.