DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sex in the backyard? Check.