I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!