Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
