Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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