8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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