I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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