So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
