I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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