Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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