Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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