I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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