Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
