the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
