i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
