Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
