my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
