I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
