Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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