Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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