That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
