I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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