Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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