i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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