wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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