I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
