morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
