remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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