Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
