just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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