Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize