sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
