i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
