we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
