JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
