Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am one with the molecules
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
