I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
