this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
