I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
