Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What a dumb baby whore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
