maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
