Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
