Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
