i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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