She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
